The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
