miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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