That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
