ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
