I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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