I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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