I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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