Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
