My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
