Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
