Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Too much gin, very little bucket
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
