It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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