the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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