He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
