somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
