Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize