i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
