She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
