Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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