so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
