Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
