The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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