Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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