I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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