I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
