Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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