then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
