i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
