i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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