Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
