So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
