And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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