I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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