Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
