My Higher Power is John Stamos
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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