A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
