i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
