Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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