I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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