I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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