You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
