Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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