Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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