i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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