He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
