he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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