I am puke
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
