And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The ass gains better be worth it
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