You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
