The maid of honor just puked.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
