I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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