You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
