Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
