My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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