Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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