wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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