matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Let's get the cat blown out
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
