Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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