You smell like a Billy Joel song
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
