I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
