I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i love accidental penises.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
