Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The air was thick with penises
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
