I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
