Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize