My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
