this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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