Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
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We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
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Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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