She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
