If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
